Parkinson-related Tremor

Parkinsonian-related tremor is caused by damage to structures within the brain that control movement or trauma to the central nervous system. This resting tremor, which can occur as an isolated symptom or be seen in other disorders. A tremor is an involuntary, somewhat rhythmic, muscle contraction and relaxation involving oscillations or twitching movements of one or more body parts. Most tremors occur in the hands but can also affect the hands, arms, eyes, face, head, vocal folds, trunk, and legs. But in contrast to regular Parkinsons, it may not be degenerative. Mine is not, so while I do not become worse for wear, it is still chronic and I will have to live it for the rest of my life. 

Tremor is the most common of all involuntary movements and can affect the hands, arms, eyes, face, head, vocal folds, trunk, and legs. Most tremors occur in the hands. In some people, a tremor is a symptom of another neurological disorder. In my case, the doctors believe that I had a TIA, a mini-stroke, that caused the tremor to begin with. It could be an underlying injury from beating that I had years ago during an assault, where I got several kicks to the old nogging. But most probably the mini-stroke came from me living with PTSD from the attack and from a rough upbringing. Not sleeping more than two to three hours a night, and chugging down massive amounts of energy drinks and coffee just to be able to push forward, never looking back for half a year did not help my cause either. This took its toll on my body and it kind of just short-circuited. One moment I am having a whiff of fresh air with my best mate, the next I wake up in the hospital, delirious, shaking, and in pain. I was in a wheelchair and have to relearn how to walk, and it took me years to be able to write and draw by hand again with a pen or pencil. For a while, my circles looked liked jagged squares. But thanks to modern technology, I can rely on the computer to make my lines straighter and art better. It just takes some more time and patience. 

The tremor, in combination with my other disabilities, makes it hard to function. I never know how much my fine motor skills will be affected each given day or if I will need a cane to walk or not. Sometimes I stutter, more than once I have accidentally splashed myself in the face with whatever I am drinking due to a spasm and I even fall out of vehicles because my legs just buckled under me when standing up. No, I am not drunk, just having an adventurous day where my body tries to surprise me at every turn!

The outer tremor I can keep under somewhat control by eating levodopa medication, the same kind that they give to Parkinson patients, but the inner tremor is always there. Sometimes I feel like a human dildo, always vibrating, and can be exhausting since my body never gets any rest. Nor do I get to have the fun of being a dildo, it is more like I was accidentally activated and now rumble around in the bedside table drawer and getting the battery drained before the entertainment can even begin.

That is one of the reasons that I can only update Curly once a week. I never know if I am going to be able to sit down by the computer and work on my hobby, sketch a bit on paper, or if I will just have to take the day off and try another day. It can be frustrating and I appreciate those rare moments when I actually can sit down and draw. If my hands are somewhat okay, I might play some videogames, just do not expect me to be a hardcore gamer. Sometimes when I spam a button, is not always voluntary! Or is it? 

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